ekkoeffect | [IC] Inbox for deercountry

idk. maybe zoom myself out of here. starting to get the picture this place isnt for me.

for real?
i thought you were making friends
everywhere i go i run into someone who knows you
did something happen?

right, right. Ppl who know me. ppl who should understand how i work but turns out they dont. Ppl who seem to target ME for things that i say when there are worse ppl around here but im not seeing them getting scold at.

people don't have to like what you say.
you talk a lot of shit.
no one has to like that.
but they can go the fuck off their own way
let you do your own thing.
it's none of their damn business unless you want it to be.
they aren't the only people around.

HA SEE! this is why i adore u SOOOOOO much boy savior. u know how my mind works and how i do things. juuuust like i know all the gears in urs. vi doesnt even get me and SHE is suppose to be my big sis. but i guess shes been locked away so maybe she has an excuse. or else MAYBE she wouldnt be so quick to take everyones side all the time. yea ok. i get it. im a ~ D A N G E R ~ and everyone should ~ L O O K OUT FOR ME !!! 😱😱😱 ~~ but if i rly wanted to destroy this place or shoot someone down, i would had done it the first week i got here. not freaking 7 months in. unless someone RLY gets in my hair. even then. why when the dead just comes back? the whole point of going away is to GO AWAY. btw btw btw. did u know there someone here who eats ppl? rly. when you die, he might come by and gobble u up whole. idk about u but i think thats WAY MORE crazy AND CONCERNING than whatever i say on the network. or when i talk about how i get rly amped up when i hurt someone.

there's a lot of shit here weirder than you.
the zealots from a few months back
the chocolate drug dealer
i know this rich posh guy who's a vampire
a guy who eats corpses? yeah shit's fucked, but it fits.

don't mean everybody likes it when someone talks up hurting people for shits and giggles
people think you mean it
guess you're too convincing
i don't like it either
but i'm not running your life.

and it ain't their damn business either.
you're not here for them.
do shit for yourself.
to be who you want for yourself.
fuck their bullshit.

( reading his words brings a smile to her face. it's pretty touching that her freaking enemy(??) of all people is saying this to her. but sadly, that warm smile of her falters as her fingertips response back slowly...)

what if one of those ppl is someone ure dating? or WERE dating? what do u do when uve tried rly rly hard to show despite it all theres more to u? yea, u get a thrill from hurting ppl, killing, and mayhem. and u get its bad b/c ppl say it to u a million damn times. but... its just smth u rly cant help. u cant help that ur brain gets so attracted to it and u enjoy it. its a feeling u cant rly stop and sometimes u dont want it to stop b/c it just feels nice. its like telling someone to stop gardening or stop reading a book u enjoy. u try to show SUM control by not doing it, just... talk about it at least b/c what other way to feel it besides going out and kill the beasts around here? so u think maybe. just maybe talking about it and hurting the monsters would be enough, but it isnt. its still off putting and scares off the person ure dating. even when u try ur damnest that u CAN be... loving and caring and... uve shown them that. its like...no matter what u do, no one will like u b/c ure different.

[Shit. It's pretty obvious to see where all of this is coming from, what must have happened for Jinx to be asking these kind of questions--to be dealing with this level of confusion and...hurt? Yeah, he can see how this probably went down and none of it looks good.

It's what he worried would happen. That Chizuru was too naïve and nice and innocent, giving Jinx a chance, but when Jinx didn't change fast enough, grind down all the jagged parts of herself that cut and stab and slice people who get near her to pieces, it would all implode on them.

Should he tread carefully? Avoiding saying things that might set her off even more and send her spiraling? He doesn't know how close to the edge she is. Or should he be honest and let the consequences come what may?]

everyone is different.
none of us have the same lives
same baggage
same view of the world

same way everyone has lines.
what matters to us.
boundaries that if someone crosses we can't ignore.

ignoring them means we have to look inside
ask us what it means about ourselves
if who we are stacks up to who we want to be

some people will never get how you see things
because to them you can't just know it's bad.
you have to understand why it is.

i wish you did.
but i know you don't.
and maybe you can't right now.

and i've accepted it.
i wish it was different.
but i know who you are.
i know what you've done.
i want you in my life anyway
i made that choice.

but i can't look at an enforcer and trust them
because i know what enforcers do
enforce is just another word for oppress
they beat us down
they sell us out
they kill us
because to them it's like gardening
cutting out what they think is weeds to keep their prize flowers blooming
and they enjoy it
they probably even talk shit to each other about it

and if i heard an enforcer joke the way you do
make fun of hurting zaunites like that
i'd break their skull in

because that's my line now

but guess what?
back in zaun
my line wouldn't have included you.
because it couldn't.

things change.
people change.
you've been changing.
i see it all the time.
maybe they want to be where you're at
but they aren't
maybe they'll get there
maybe you'll get to where they are

maybe it won't happen
and you'll go do your own thing
and someone else will come along
and you'll be where each other needs to you be

all you can do
is keep living in the present
moving forward in the now

( there's a bit of time until she replies back to this. and how twisted and messy that these words are coming from the person who she did had a crush on too? a person who also broke her heart unintentionally? it's like a weird double-whammy in a sense but... jinx really should get use to this kind of tragedy. it's downright laughable at this point (and yes, she had already hit that laugh-crying insanity phase already).

there's another slow respond coming from her; a big contrast to how fast she's been texting back. )

i dont think i want someone to come along anymore. all this stupid mushy stuff about friendship and love and happiness. and joy... it was stupid for me to think someone like me can have those things. im better off w/ sticking with my weapons and...sit alone until this town does something whacky. when it does, kill whatever is a threat, then when its over? just go back into the shadows until it happens again. maybe im suppose to live like that.

no.

[He types it in and sends it so quickly he hasn't even formulated everything else he wants to say. But he feels is deeply. Just no. It takes a bit more for the rest to come out.]

that's bullshit.
you have more friends around here than i do
maybe you haven't found the right person
or built up the right relationship yet
love ain't instant
it can take time

one failed relationship doesn't mean you never try again
never let anyone in again
you're not someone who gives up
don't give up on yourself

i'm not.

Edited 2023-03-30 02:04 (UTC)

its weird to read someone whos been my enemy for the last years how i shouldnt give up on myself. or theyre not giving up on me.

maybe i'm tired of telling myself to give up on you.
spent enough years doing it.
turns out giving up on your family sucks
even if they might deserve it.

and shit's different now.
this ain't zaun.
we have a chance here.
if there's no way we're going back
i want to take it
make something out of it
with you and vi.

it's not about you
it's for real selfish
i live in the now
make life mine whatever way i can
and i want that life with you in it
to do that i gotta accept you as you are

i know you can do better
be better
won't be easy but you can
when you're ready
but i accept you as you are now
and i'll see where things go from there

( ... )

wowie wowie!!!! and u wonder why i had a tiny lil thing for u. look at these POETIC WO~~~OORRDS!! enough to make someone faint. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!! I MUSN'T FALL AGAIN! THE TRAGEDY OF MY ACHING SOOUUUL! 💗💗💗💗🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ha ha. im kidding kidding. but. thnx, ekko. rly. this is rly nice of u.

hah yeah.
i've had practice with this inspirational speech thing
works out best when you mean it

besides
i'm still being selfish
do you know the kind of faces vi makes when you're sad
not putting myself through that

she and ive been arguing thru our feeling bond thing.

Edited 2023-03-30 03:10 (UTC)

not surprised.
you know she's gonna be all up in your business
trying to fix things
it's what she does

yeaaaaaah. sometimes i like it when shes smothery like this and sometimes i hate it.

( ... )

hypothetical question. if and i mean BIG IF. i offered u a bond w/ me, would u be interested? not a blood bond but. a bond u can kind of turn on and off whenever u wanted.

[A bond? Blood bonds were something that left him Uneasy, especially the idea someone could be that up in your head with you. Ekko is more open and honest than he should be sometimes, doesn't try to hide himself, but that doesn't mean he wants someone that close. He's still working through his own feelings about being unwillingly dragged into other people's minds and dreams at night.

But that doesn't mean never, does it? Things can change. They keep changing.]

maybe.
not now i think.
want to have my own shit down first.
paleblood shit i mean.
but maybe later.
if it gives me a means of knowing if you need help
faster than an omni

yea no i get it. a blood bond isnt what i was talking about anyway. see. vi and i got this gift from a friend. rings. and u can be in each other's head. know what we're thinking and all that. we tried it one time and it rly rly freaked out vi so we havent rly worn it since. but u know. u kinda already know how my head goes w/o needing the ring. so idk. i was just throwing a thought that maybe u can handle it better? AND itll prob fit u since vi has fat fingers and all that.

[Rings that let you in someone's head? That's kinda freaky. Not surprising something like that exists around here, but there's so many ways it could be used against someone. Stealing their secrets, forcing someone else into their mind when they don't want them.

And here Jinx is wanting to use them to make them closer, give them a bond. A bond they might not be able to control if it messed with the shit Ekko already has going on. But on the other hand...]

maybe.
paleblood does shit like that on its own
dreams, minds, visions
it pulls you into all of them
i can't really control it yet
we might not be able to turn it off like you think

you cool with that?

now now, boy savior. dont be silly. risk and danger is all I KNOW!! wheres the fun w/o that? hmm hmm HMMMMMMMM? but like u said. dont have to be now. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe later. besides. i still KINDA wanna dangle u over a shark tank from time to time. and knowing U, u prob dont want me to think that way of u AT ALL if hypothetically we do this lil pinky promise bond.

Edited 2023-03-30 04:29 (UTC)

sure
lets go with that.
no point rushing if neither of us is ready.
later.
we've got time.

[IC] Inbox for deercountry

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